I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
