Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
