Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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