paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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