not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
