I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
