Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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