he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Never joke about your clitoris.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
