Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
