i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
