Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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