Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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