Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
porn star boner night. come get it.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
