Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Damn victory sex feels great
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
