I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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