Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
