Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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