I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
