That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
