Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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