At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
