he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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