She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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