This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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