I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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