Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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