I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
