my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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