FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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