I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
