Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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