Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
