Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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