I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
my poor anus
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
