my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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