you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
