Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You can't just leave with hair like that
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Everclear isn't food dammit
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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