I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
50% drunk capacity currently
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
