where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Shame - the story of my life.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
