dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
