Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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