I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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