We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
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it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
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Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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