The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
