like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
