I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
