bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
