i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
