Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
