This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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