for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
