I think my vagina is haunted
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
