i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The air was thick with penises
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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