Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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