I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
