Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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