i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just high enough for therapy.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
