I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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