she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
