i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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