Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
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Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
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Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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