I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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