she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Welp...herpes.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
