This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
