So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
