I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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