I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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