Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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