I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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