so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
