look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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