i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
