Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
