Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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