So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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