Do you still have your period?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
