there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize