Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
