Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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