Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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