My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
