You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I need water and some morals
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
