I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
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His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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