I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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