Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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