She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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